I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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