Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
