are you still at the devil's house?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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