There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
