wrigley field is MILF paradise
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The struggles of a small town man whore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
