She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
