You just made me feel so damn special
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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