I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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