Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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