Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still dying that you shit outside
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize