someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
