I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
