I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
