Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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