I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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