Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
