Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize