Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
