Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
