you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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