I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to calm my uterus...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
