When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
