So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
