I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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