my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
