i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
