You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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