Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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