you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
