Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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