Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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