Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
