My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
