so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
