Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
