youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
