I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
