"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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