you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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