I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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