Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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