I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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