I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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