Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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