Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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