What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
