dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
