Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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