me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
