so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
