He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't shave. On purpose
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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