Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
