I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
