last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
