You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
