I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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