rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
