you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
