Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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