I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
