does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize