He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
