and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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