Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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