I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
