Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
