I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
