If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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