my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
